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Thursday, April 23, 2015

The Article That Inspired Dr. Phil, Fellas.

If you didn't already know, I was a reporter for the school newspaper for four months, then transitioned to the role of an editor for the last four months.
It's been a blast, and I'm kind of still lingering in the newsroom picking up last minute assignments because I'm conflicted about it ending and moving onto other things (which I'm not ever sure consist of as of right now.. whoops).
Anyway, in a nutshell, I wrote a lot of stories. One of the stories I co-wrote with my co-editor Jenna gained a lot of national media attention.
Perhaps you've heard of the Catfish story at BYU?
If not, find it HERE, read the three parts in the series and come back.
Right? It's so crazy it got attention from Cosmopolitan, Daily Mail, local news stations, Yahoo! News and last but not least...
Dr. Phil.
He flew to Salt Lake City to do a show with the Catfishing victims, the man whose identity was stolen and the actual catfish.
We spoke to the catfish in an interview and if you read the story, you know why it got so much attention.
Anyway, the Dr. Phil show comes out tomorrow, Friday, at 4 my time. And we're having a viewing party and fulfilling my mom's dreams simultaneously.
We're hoping they don't pull some sly stuff on us, because early in the game they tried to tell us we couldn't publish anything else about the story...
even though we broke the story.
They tried telling the victims they wouldn't be able to run the show because of the updates we ran, but I saw that as a manipulation move which was pretty similar to what the catfish did, to be honest. The production team just wanted the story to be their story when in reality, it wasn't.
Proud to say we stood up to the Dr. Phil production team and didn't take down any articles. We wrote them, it was our story, and the power you have doesn't intimidate us.
Anyway, if you watch the show let me know what you think. The preview looks hilarious because it seems like they told the girls to act like they didn't meet each other before. or like they didn't know who the catfish was, even though they did.
Whatever brings in the drama, right Docta P?
Alright see ya.
P.S. if you want to read some of my other stories, go HERE. There are a few I'm really happy to have gotten the chance to write.

Friday, April 17, 2015

I'll Fight But There's Nothing Here I Find to Resist

Oh Johnny Flynn. Still love you after all the years.
ALLLso he's got a weird new show on Netflix which I love, but it's got a weird name. Don't let it throw ya off. Google it if you want to know, it's a gem.
P.S. check out his other stuff, particularly Tickle Me Pink.. one of Morgan's & my favorites.


Two of my favorites from Thom Yorke's Tomorrow's Modern Boxes.

Unrelated but very good questions bouncing like flubber in my mind at the moment, so let's play a game: 

What's one thing you thought would be one way for so long, but was nothing like it?

Did you know you're going to spend a majority of your life losing and finding yourself, and it doesn't really stop? I guess that's how it's supposed to go. That's one thing I thought would be different forever - once I thought I found who I was, I didn't think I'd shift or lose that. And it's a little tough sometimes.

How do you pick yourself up to gear up for things you don't care about?

Do you feel like a success and failure simultaneously? Why? Sometimes it's more failure than success. A lot of times, for me. That's been on my mind a lot lately.

What makes you anxious? Do you think our actual nightmares will play a role in how we die? WEirD let's not focus on that question Hehhh

My mind remembers two things about specific, somewhat monumental moments: the music playing, and the exact place I was.
My backyard by the hose, a stone wall off of a busy street, a park by my childhood house. Gorillaz, Brother Sparrow, Laura Marling, The Avalanches.
Outside the cafeteria in Sonora with my brother, angry and sad. Very, very angry, and sad. But glad to have each other.

What do you remember?

One day someone will come across this and answer these, right? 
Let's skip small talk.

K see ya.

Wednesday, April 15, 2015



It doesn't get easier. Don't miss calling you any less than I did right after you left us. Every year I try to find something I haven't seen before from you... a song I missed in our exchanges, a picture I haven't seen. And I subconsciously search for a shorter time each year because I don't want to run out of things to find. But I know the day will come where I've seen all the things you shared with me, or I can't retrace our conversations, and that is so hard for me. It's getting really close.

I didn't know you like Dani did, or your best friends did, but I knew you how I did - and you were so special to me. I wish I could've made that clearer to you. I know you knew, but still. This day is so hard for me every year Chad, but the hardest part is you not being here every other day of the year, period. I miss you so much, I miss your advice and your genuine happiness for others, your actual care for me and other people in my family. I'm sorry.

I love and miss you, and I'll remember you. When I see you again, it will be one of the happiest parts of heaven. Keep watching out for us, Chadderbox.


Monday, April 13, 2015

This Time of Year.

Hey, I'm still around. This time of year is always a little tough. We'll get to that later, though.

My hair is no longer blonde, I'm trying to get it as close to natural as I can. It makes me feel healthier, so that's good and a thing I guess.

This is the first picture I've taken and saved of myself pretty much since I've been married... not sure what kind of change happened in my head but not really likin' the way I've looked for six months or so. 

Morganzo bean has been out for OVER A YEAR, PEOPLE. Just over 13 months, actually. We chat over a spitfire of emails every Monday morning now, approx. 6:20 a.m. It keeps me sane. He keeps me sane.

Dallon does a pretty good job of keeping me sane, too.

It's really easy to slip into the ideology I used to hold if I'm not careful. The, "I'm an introvert. I'm ok by myself, I don't really need anyone. So what the heck am I doing?" But that's not the way it is anymore - it can't be. I'm married, I'm in it with someone I love now and that in itself is more than I'd ever be able to amount to by myself.
We can do things together that will change someone's world. Things I wouldn't be able to do as well by myself.
Marriage is a weird change for someone like me, but I'm learning faster than I ever had before while simultaneously feeling failures and successes.
Marriage is weird because of that. I still recommend it. I hope I can feel more successes than failures as I grow.

I miss my friends Joseffe, Spencer and Kevyn. And Emlay Braggins. Immensely. They are each real gems for different reasons. Their friendship means a lot to meh, but I'm not sure they all know that. I'm visiting Clovis for Sami's baby shower in the summer and look forward to seeing my pals again, if they're there. Real happy Emily is moving back to Provo, she's one of the most authentic people I've ever known and I respect authenticity a ton. Perhaps that's why I love all those folks, actually.. they're all so raw and authentic. I miss that.

Did I tell you SAMI IS PREGNANT? If I didn't, well, she is.. and we're all pumped. The first grandbaby of the Mortimer kids. Whatta champ. It's a boy, P.S.

I'm gonna see a counselor because I have anxiety attacks when I drive in traffic. It's a real party

When statistics is over, I will breathe again.

I doodled the other day and felt like me again. It's been a while.
Hence new music finding. I've gotta come back.

If I opened up my rib cage and put my heart on the table, what would be there? A few meaningful lyrics, a few moments playing out on a projector over and over like they do in my head? The last things people said to me when they knew it'd be the last time? I guess the last two are the same thing. Would there be a tightly-wound scroll of good acts and bad - hopefully not, I'd light that on fire. 

What do you remember about the last time you saw someone sincerely meaningful to you? What'd they say? I want to know. Doesn't have to be specifics.

The last time I talked to my friend Chad on the phone was the Sunday before April 15th, 2011. I think it was the 10th. I was about to graduate from high school in June, so we were talking about that. My plans. We talked about how excited he was to be an uncle. We talked about music, like usual. He let me know how hopeful I helped him be in his life, and thanked me for it. I thanked him for some things. It was a conversation that left me hopeful.

A few days later I got my last words from him over text, and he was gone.
I didn't check the text right when it came because there was a rule against using phones at school.
I will always ask what would've happened if I checked it right then and called, right then. I was in my government class. I always followed the rules.
I wish I would've checked it.

It's always hard this time of year. But there's still hope. There's always hope if you allow it.

I'll try to pop in more often. I'm sorry.

K see ya.

Thursday, April 2, 2015

Dear 18-year-old Me,

Dear 18-year-old Bret,

Hi weird friend. Good to see ya. I know you're not totally clueless about life, but you're about to drive to college (I know it's your first huge roadtrip on a freeway, but don't worry, you make it there alive and well) and I thought I'd give you a few pointers.

When you get to college and roll in to the parking lot of the Glenwood, you're disappointed. You figure, "Isn't college supposed to feel different?" But don't be upset. It does feel different in time.

But it's really funny to look back and imagine how you thought it'd be.. almost Disney Channel Original Series transformation status. Nawt. the. case.

Your first date isn't gonna fall in love with you hahahaha why are you thinking that even

American Heritage is not the hardest class of your life. Statistics will be the hardest class of your life.

Go to a counselor, and don't end up taking five classes you don't need to. Blaehgr.

You get married, it's awesome, stop telling people you're gonna wait until you're at least 23 because you were engaged and married in the same year: 21. Holla.

Luckily it's awesome, make sure to let a guy named Dallon borrow Nick Dixon's Blu-Ray Player if he asks. You'll know which Dallon I'm talkin' about, he's a babe.

Oh yes, befriend Nick Dixon sooner, he's one of the best dude pals to ever have. Daniel Shirley is also a cool dude pal. I love all my dude palz.

Don't be afraid to fall asleep during a movie or, you know, in front of people. You have some kind of irrational fear about that and we both don't know why. But good news - after you fall asleep in front of someone you won't stop falling asleep in every movie and it's like napterparties galore.

Napterparty = nap & after party. Let's start this sooner, shall we?

Also don't be afraid to eat in front of people. Believe me, nobody is watching your every move. You're tiny right now anyway so embrace eating lil lady.

Can I just reiterate that nobody is watching your every move? I feel like you walked around so self consciously for half your life (yet still did outrageous things?) that it's time to stop it right now. Feel free to be you at all times. Walkin' around on campus, especially. NO ONE IS WATCHING YOUUU.

Morgan is called to serve in Mozambique, Maputo when he turns 19. It's hard without him, like you think it would be. But you two email every week and it helps. A lot.

Yes, those Doc Martens ARE a good choice. The daisy ones and the full black boots for winter time. You're golden. OH! Don't bend them while sitting in strange position on a couch making out with someone because they'll forever stay bent (regrets).

Advertising: no. Public relations: YES. YES, YES, YES, YES. You'll be able write and explore creative ideas simultaneously and it's beautiful and you fit perfectly and it feels right.

Boys. Ah, boys. You learned a lot. Relationship wise, end it when it's done. Poof, gone, he's gone, it's gone, the end, OK? It'll save you a lot of heartache in the end. Also that sounded stalkerish - you're not a stalker, just a few old flames like to rekindle and sometimes you're like, "Oops." Also this is pre-marriage so don't fret.

Visit the old people! Visit Max Leavy! He's awesome.

THERE IS AN UNOFFICIAL WATER POLO TEAM! And it looks small and fairly hopeless when you start playing with them, but it'll grow. Man, will it grow. And some of those people will be so great, goodness.

I don't know, Bret... I'm glad you're coming to college with a bit of crazy life experience under your belt. The family divorce thing was tough and leaving what you know is tough, but you're going to grow so much.

And D-I water polo isn't life. You'll still look back and be like, man, I wonder where I'd be right now had I played... but you wouldn't have Dallon. And when you meet and really get to know him, I think you'll understand why things worked out the way they did.

Oh yeah, things work out. As long as you're doing the right things and trying - really trying - things work out. Miracles are real. God is really, really good. And you're going to be fine.